What the Winter brings. (Part old, part new)

I can literally still recall the smell,
The taste, the touch, the feel
Of the days, even the months
Every little detail, I can still reveal

Crisp air. Winter. It’s cold.
I really don’t care.
Smiling I walk towards my car.
My shift ended early.
And her house isn’t far. I crank up the volume.
“Katie don’t cry, I know. You’re trying your hardest”
The same song I always listened to when I got off work.
“But I know, I could live without you but, without you I’d be miserable at best”
I sing along, cheerfully.
Which looking back is strange considering the circumstances.
Finally I drive.
My playlist continues.
“Walk home, drowning these memories rain. Biting my lip to transfer this pain.”
I tap the steering wheel as I navigate through the snow packed roads.
“You’re gone, and I’m still going through withdrawals. Next time around I’ll build a stronger wall”
I sing along with my windows down blasting the heat.
How could I have known to look at these for signs?
I guess hindsight is a bitch.

I mean, damn, there is so much I stay away from now.
Anything that even relatively reminds me.

I give credit to myself for being so smooth when putting my arm around you.
I give credit to you for not minding the fat lip.
“Hopefully no one sits next to us”
Good thing the next old couple that walked in sat right beside you in a completely empty theater.

Transporter 3!
We didn’t care if we hadn’t seen the first 2.
It was still a bad ass movie.
Afterwards we talked. Sitting in the parking lot listening to Taylor Swift.
I can still remember, driving home that night, nothing could bring me down.
My phone rings.
It’s my Aunt so I answer it.
Of course she calls me to let me know Little Debbies were on sale.
Those are my favorite and she knows it.
After I tell her about my night I receive “The Talk”
Yes, we all know what talk i’m talking about.
There was even a
“If you need me to ever pick you up from a party, call me”
Line thrown in.
After I hung up I just laughed.
I had to call my sister to tell her.
My Aunt though, has passed.
But with her memories that made me laugh.
Bring you back.

Oh. And getting interviewed for my little cousins’ newspaper.
They grilled me.
Thanksgiving night.
They just wouldn’t let the subject go.
So I had to give in, I lied.
“Yeah, her name is…”
And thankfully you found it humorous.

And when I met your best friend.
That was classic.
5 minutes turned in to 2 hours.
Risky? Eh, whatever.
I make an awkward joke.
Pat myself on the back later. (Still do)
And i’m still friends with her….but not you.

Early morning walk.
Taking your sister to the library.
Castle Rock.
Almost getting attacked by that tunnel.
Long chats.

I gave it all up.

Not because I was selfish.
But because I didn’t understand.
I didn’t think.
I was low and hurting.
But now I realize.
As I said before.
Hindsight is a bitch.
Worst of all.
I’m a hypocrite.
Worst feeling ever.
I’m sorry.

~ by SubReal87 on June 16, 2011.

One Response to “What the Winter brings. (Part old, part new)”

  1. […] At Best – Mayday Parade – (I’d Take It Back) Flypaper – Allister – (Listen To It Every Night On My Way) Definitely Maybe – FM Static Fearless – Taylor Swift – (It’s The First […]

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